Monday, July 5, 2010

Insecurities, Inspirations and Hope

Self-Confidence is defined as socio-psychological concept of self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power that sometimes manifested excessively.  Earlier in my childhood my self confidence level is way below zero.  I'm afraid to approach people and most of the time too shy to do most of the things I like.

The below zero self confidence continued to drop when I reached High school.  At this time I stopped doing sports and theater that result to a massive weight gain.  From being over weight I became obese.  My teen years is not so good.  In fact it really suck big time.  You don't really need to hear my story to know my experience.  My story is just like the story of most fat losers you see on movies and tv shows.  I get bullied by my classmates, called names,  called last on the list during P.E. class and always paired with another loser.  Yes I survived High School.  And when I graduated, I promised myself if I can't lose weight i will do my best to bring out the best in me.  So I joined a Show Choir where I undergo an intensive training on showmanship.

For 3 years I stayed on that group and for 3 years I developed my self confidence.  Thanks to the group it thought me the importance of talent that it masks your physical shortcomings.  From then on I became popular and more than that I became very confident on myself.

But years past I realize that Confidence is fake.  Because deep inside I'm still insecure.  Every time I see men with perfect physique, God knows how I want to be them.  I become envious.  But because of my Obese state my dream to be like those male models are forgotten because at that time I already gave up because I don't believe that it is still possible for me to lose weight.

But not until I saw Carlo Guevarra.  The Be Bench grand Winner a couple of years ago.  He is good looking and everybody will agree with me that he do really have a beautiful body.  I became an instant fan the moment I found out that he is fat before.   At that point, Carlo gave me a Twinkle of hope.  I start consulting people about weight loss but to no avail I still end up eating the same meal holding my big tummy and cellulites.

Again years pass.  Still a big slob on my couch.  Weighing a total of 350 lbs or higher.  I accidentally come across a show.  The Biggest Loser Asia.  Months earlier I already heard the US counterpart of the show but I ignored it because I thought it is just a boring show about fat people trying to lose weight.  But suddenly I become very interested with the Asian version maybe because there are some kababayans who made the cut.  I followed the show religiously every week and after a month I became hooked.  Why?  Because I actually saw changes among the contestants.

Especially our very own Carlo Miguel.  Every week he has enormous amount of weight loss and visible change in shape.  Again I became an instant fan and cheered Carlo until the end of the show, though he didn't win.  But I agree with him.  With his new body, he is already a winner.  

And from there I made a decision.  It is time to cut the fat.  So I get in touch with a friend that helps me to enroll on this program.  Without any hesitations, I spent my savings on it and worked really hard.  3 months passed, the program is almost over. I loss almost 35 lbs.  More than what I imagined.  

Probably I still need more months to achieve that greek body I always want (lolz), I'm still happy that I look better now.  My stamina improved, my physical resistance strengthen and most specially having a healthy out look on life that gave me the confidence to face Hope.

1 comment:

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